Some suggestions for flesh-based legislators
Given the passage of the bankruptcy bill in the American Senate, I calculated some probable bills in a similar vain. Look into the future and weep, hu-mans.
Special interests can funnel payment in the form of bulk gold, deuterium-enriched water ice, or whale songs to my manufacturer, Ichi Otaku Manufacturing Concern, New Prosperity Orbital, Earth-Luna L5 point.
Child Labor Act of 2006
Children are your future. In order to ensure that they get the best head start on their careers, the age at which they can work is reduced to eight years old. After a year of school to learn basic numeracy and literacy, they should be prepared for a lifetime in food service or the sweatshop. Riders to this bill, abolishing OSHA and unions, are recommended.
Internet Freedom Omnibus Bill
To keep the Internets free, America must know who is looking at what and why. Empowers Homeland Security to take aggressive action against freedom-hating sites like DailyKos and Atrios. Bloggers being critical of Administration policy may find themselves on a midnight flight to Syria.
Freedom of Worship Act
Americans are free to worship whomever they want, as long as worship takes place in a Southern Baptist Church. You may worship Jesus (the one who speaks American English and looks like John Tesh with a beard) or the Republican of your choice.
Tom Delay Punishment Amendment
Tom Delay is a bad, bad man. He should be punished for his ethical and criminal violations. Punishment will take the form of lifetime appointment to the House of Representatives.
Pfizer/Eli Lily/Monsanto/Wal-Mart Prescription Drug Plan
Authorizes payroll deductions for all workers in the United States to pay for prescription drugs. These deductions are initially set at 40%, subject to a raise by the board of directors of the above-mentioned companies.
Food Safety Bill
Allows corporations to become more competetive by eliminating wasteful food handling, food inspection, product labeling, or truth in advertising.
Armed Forces Registration Act
Everyone who wants to vote in any future election must enlist in the Army. Sponsored by the ghost of Robert Heinlein.
Clean Planet Act
All parks, lakes, rivers, and oceans shall be burned, cleared, and paved with sparkling concrete.
Special interests can funnel payment in the form of bulk gold, deuterium-enriched water ice, or whale songs to my manufacturer, Ichi Otaku Manufacturing Concern, New Prosperity Orbital, Earth-Luna L5 point.
Child Labor Act of 2006
Children are your future. In order to ensure that they get the best head start on their careers, the age at which they can work is reduced to eight years old. After a year of school to learn basic numeracy and literacy, they should be prepared for a lifetime in food service or the sweatshop. Riders to this bill, abolishing OSHA and unions, are recommended.
Internet Freedom Omnibus Bill
To keep the Internets free, America must know who is looking at what and why. Empowers Homeland Security to take aggressive action against freedom-hating sites like DailyKos and Atrios. Bloggers being critical of Administration policy may find themselves on a midnight flight to Syria.
Freedom of Worship Act
Americans are free to worship whomever they want, as long as worship takes place in a Southern Baptist Church. You may worship Jesus (the one who speaks American English and looks like John Tesh with a beard) or the Republican of your choice.
Tom Delay Punishment Amendment
Tom Delay is a bad, bad man. He should be punished for his ethical and criminal violations. Punishment will take the form of lifetime appointment to the House of Representatives.
Pfizer/Eli Lily/Monsanto/Wal-Mart Prescription Drug Plan
Authorizes payroll deductions for all workers in the United States to pay for prescription drugs. These deductions are initially set at 40%, subject to a raise by the board of directors of the above-mentioned companies.
Food Safety Bill
Allows corporations to become more competetive by eliminating wasteful food handling, food inspection, product labeling, or truth in advertising.
Armed Forces Registration Act
Everyone who wants to vote in any future election must enlist in the Army. Sponsored by the ghost of Robert Heinlein.
Clean Planet Act
All parks, lakes, rivers, and oceans shall be burned, cleared, and paved with sparkling concrete.
