Horoscopes of the future

Last week's Onion (from the FUTURE! where they have hover-coffee and robot dogs!) was hilarious, if a bit pokey to load on anything but the fastest connection.

I finally found my horoscope for this week:

Kirbii (Oct. 14—Nov. 20)
You will be unable to shake the feeling that society at large would be improved by even more chunky, quasi-cubist levitating machinery of mystic origin, as well as the increased use of triple exclamation points by the general populace.

It's like they read my mind or something.