[Implant command]

When I wasn't playing kickball this weekend, I spent part of my tame playing the latest arrival from Gamefly: Destroy All Humans!

I'm guessing the design documentation included the tagline: "It's the bastard child of Grand Theft Autow and Mars Attacks!" The gameplay goes a little something like this—your little Furon alien dude wanders around with a bunch of weapons, zapping humans, reading the repressed minds of 50s-era Americans, flying around on jetpacks, driving your flying saucer and blasting buildings with your death ray, extracting brains, etc.

It's fun, though a little short. And sad, in that they've not really innovated as much as they could. They keep all the things that suck about GTA in addition to the fun bits. For every bit of mayhem with the disintegrator ray, there's the fact your alien dude can't touch water or he'll die (just like Tommy Vercetti).

One of my favorite missions so far has been impersonating a Kennedy-esque politician and answering questions from townsfolk. As long as you ignore everything and mouth platitudes, they'll buy anything you say. That may actually explain a lot about the current adminstration, where Bush can go bike riding and attend a Little League game, but he can't actually talk to a parent whose child died during his clusterfuck in Iraq.

Speaking with a mother about why we're there is not conducive to the health of our precious bodily fluids. Have you ever seen a grieving mother drink a glass of water? It's because of the fluoridation. The greatest conspiracy in America today. Which is why he bikes for two hours on days when it's over 90 degrees. (Why do I assume biking is some sort of euphemism, like choking on a pretzel?_

He's just denying her his... essence. That's it. Go over to the corner, Mandrake, and fix me a cocktail of rain water and grain alcohol.