Making friends wherever we go

First Bush names one of the chief architects behind the deaths of thousands of people to head the World Bank.

Then the Senate votes to drill in the Arctic Wildlife Reserve. For a couple teaspoons of precious, precious oil.

I'm getting the feeling that if Jeffery Dahmer were alive, Bush would name him to head the Department of Health and Human Services. Once again I thank the Founding Fathers for seperation of Church and State, or Reagan would have been canonized by now and we'd be forced to pray to him daily. I'm expecting the pardon papers for Ken Lay and Bernie Ebbers are already drawn up and they're just waiting for Christmas.

But this probably doesn't go far enough. There are still people swearing on the internets and TV! When will the FCC be given command over the Secret Service? Children will go to hell if they hear a swear word or see a breast! Perhaps that's why soldiers coming home from Iraq are done so under the cover of darkness--they might damn a child to hell with a curse word.

Then there's Mars! Mars, bitches! But DougBot, you say, what about the Hubble, which does science? Screw that noise! It's all about phantom trips to Mars and spending billions of dollars on a missile defense system that doesn't work even in tests designed specifically to make it work.

NASA needs to stop finding water on Mars. Look for petroleum--that's the only way we'll make it there anytime soon.