I'll never get anywhere with these games!

I watch a lot of X-Play, and one of the recurring commercials on G4/TechTV (I still think of it as Tech TV, since all of the shows that originated with G4 suck out loud) is something for a degree in game design from Westwood Online.

The ad goes something like this:

Two slacker dudes pretend to play video games really hard by mashing the hell out of the buttons on some Dual Shock controllers. One has scruffy hair and a maroon shirt, the other is mysteriously dressed in a bright pink shirt with Mike-Brady-esque permed hair. At any minute, this commercial could turn into porn.

VOICE-OVER FROM WOMAN, THAT SOUNDS SLIGHTLY OFF:

ARE YOU GUYS FINISHED WITH THAT GAME?

The slackers look up. One says his lines like it's take 42 and he's finally got it drummed into his head.

MAROON-SHIRTED SLACKER:

SURE, WE JUST FINISHED LEVEL THREE AND WE HAVE TO TIGHTEN UP SOME OF THE GRAPHICS.

Cut to: Blue-shirted woman with her hair in a jaunty ponytail. She's clearly the manager. Note that the production values on this are such that she's sounds slightly different now, as if the ADR wasn't quite the same person in the voiceover.

MANAGER-TYPE WOMAN:

GOOD, BECAUSE I HAVE SOME MORE GAMES THAT NEED DESIGNED.

The manager lady leaves. Cut back to slackers, still looking like porn could happen at any moment, particularly with the Brady hair.

BRADY-HAIRED SLACKER:

I CAN'T BELIEVE WE'RE *GAME DESIGNERS!*

MAROON-SHIRTED SLACKER:

YEAH!

BRADY-HAIRED SLACKER:

AND MY MOM SAID I'D NEVER GET ANYWHERE WITH THESE GAMES!

Cut to voiceover about earning your degree in game design from some shady online school that offers degrees in E-Business Management and Fashion Design blah blah blah void in Texas and Massachusetts don't read the fine print.

There are so many issues with this I'm not sure where to begin.

First of all, game design not all fun and button-mashing, not by a long shot. For the most part, it's boring, tedious work spending hours managing bits of ones and zeroes. There are endless meetings with clients and client bosses and your bosses. And then there are long hours in front of a hot compiler or Wacom tablet, trying to figure out where the stutter in one animation is happening.

Secondly, games cost shitloads of money to make. You can't really make a game in your basement and sell it to a publisher any more, unless you're prepared to subsidize your income with plasma donations or lots and lots of credit cards. Snagging some cheap degree from an online school isn't going to convince the people in charge of millions of dollars to hire you, not even when your hair is feathered like the wings of a majestic eagle.

And third, low-budget porn production values don't really convince me that you're representing a degree of higher learning. If I didn't know any better, I'd suspect the numerous high-tech gaming ads on G4 were pandering to people who think that game programming is just like winning a boss fight.

Still, it's not as annoying as the Leptoprin ads. (When is a diet pill worth $153? When WE SAY PLACEBOS ARE WORTH $153, BITCHES! YOU THINK GLUCOSE GROWS ON TREES? THAT SHIT IS EXPENSIVE!)

On the other hand, this ad for Red Stripe that I saw during Cheap Seats today may be my new favorite ad.

It's beer! Hooray! Beer!

Now those are words to live by.