Keep Portland Weird

I see bumper stickers with that logo sometimes. I think it has to do with shopping locally, but they could be a wee bit more specific.

Anyway, I am walking downtown for lunch, and coming up on me is a pasty, fat white guy with no shirt on. He's wearing a hat, rolled-up camo pants and combat boots. He had a tattoo on an arc above his right nipple, but I couldn't make out what it said through the bouncing of his flesh. Anyway, as he approaches me, the conversation goes something like this:

Pasty White Guy In Camo Pants And No Shirt: Brother, do you know where Smith Hall is?
Giant Fighting Robot: Um, it's that way. (points)
PWGICPANS: Two blocks?
Me: No, more like two and a half or three.
PWGICPANS: OK. Thanks.
(pause)
PWGICPANS: Do you invest in the stock market?
Me: (lying as it's a total non sequitur) No.
PWGICPANS: Would you like to?
Me: No thanks. (Heads off)

Because, you know, the person I most want to invest with is a pasty guy with no shirt. Screw that EF Hutton guy.