Authentic frontier gibberish
Blazing Saddles pops into my head in the weirdest moments.
I was reading this post by Warren Ellis (who nails why the new Kojak feels... wrong):
KOJAK DOESN’T CRY.
Kojak isn’t anyone’s fucking daddy, Kojak makes women’s cervixes pucker and invert in spontaneous orgasm just by looking at them, Kojak brown-trousers the bad guys with a flick of his lollipop and KOJAK DOESN’T FUCKING CRY.
As I read that, the first thing that I thought of is "Marty Johnson is right!" (Which goes back to the town hall meeting the town of Rock Ridge holds after being attacked by
Somewhere along the line, every crime drama caught CSI / Law and Order: Traumatic Extra Horrific Rape Victim Unit disease. When in doubt, write the most grisly shit possible, since that is a fine substitute for character development. Once upon a time, a murder mystery would involve a body and some action as the detectives solved the case. Now we have mind-numbing deal and pathology, where everybody gets to be an armchair forensic fake scientist, complete with razor blades dripping blood into lungs and car crashes and oh my god the humanity make it stop I just want to have a nice day and watch the horsey shows.
"Who loves ya, baby?" has been replaced by, "You can see by the fantail pattern of the blood spray that he was using a Desert Eagle .45, one of the most powerful handguns in the world with a muzzle velocity sufficient to cause hydrostatic shock in the extremities with just a wound to the neck... The semen in the exit wounds indicate the killer watched too goddamn many Jerry Bruckhiemer shows..."
And yes, this is channeling a bit of Patton Oswalt, but he is one of the funniest people I have ever seen. We swipe because we care. And speaking of funny people, BBC America has taken to showing clips of Dylan Moran after Look Around You, the show that taught me iron's base form is brown iron. I need to find this guy's CD. Wait, looks like he doesn't have one, but he was in a couple of TV shows. Figures.
